The only cure for a real hangover is death.

There are several natural phenomena which I shall have to have explained to me before I can keep on going as a resident member ofthe human race. One is the metamorphosis which hats and suits undergo exactly one week after their purchase, whereby they are changed from smart, intensely becoming articles of apparel into something children use when they want to "dress up like daddy.

It has always seemed to me that the most difficult part of building a bridge would be the start.

Next to an old-fashioned church social, or possibly a monster bridge party, there is no buzz which can equal the sibilant buzz ofa matinée.

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.

All laughter is a muscular rigidity spasmodically relieved by involuntary twitching.

The most common of all antagonisms arises from a man's taking a seat beside you on the train, a seat to which he is completely entitled.