The Great Arizona Desert is full of the bleaching bones of people who waited for me to start something.

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.

All laughter is a muscular rigidity spasmodically relieved by involuntary twitching.

My only solution for the problem of habitual accidents is to stay in bed all day. Even then, there is always the chance that you will fall out.

Anything can happen, but it usually doesn't.

[Reviewing the New York City Telephone Directory] But it is the opinion of the present reviewer that the weakness of plot is due to the great number of characters which clutter up the pages. The Russian school is responsible for this.