The Great Arizona Desert is full of the bleaching bones of people who waited for me to start something.

Sheer madness is, of course, the highest possible brow in humor.

Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of

Other men wear white suits in summer and it doesn't seem to bother them. But my white suit seems to be a little whiter than theirs. I think also that it may have something written on the back of it, although I can't find it when I take the suit off.

A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.