The Great Arizona Desert is full of the bleaching bones of people who waited for me to start something.

I once heard a woman laugh at that most tragic moment in all drama, the off-stage shot in "The Wild Duck," and I afterward had her killed, so there will be no more of that out of her.

It has always seemed to me that the most difficult part of building a bridge would be the start.

Sheer madness is, of course, the highest possible brow in humor.

All laughter is a muscular rigidity spasmodically relieved by involuntary twitching.

In Milwaukee last month a man died laughing over one of his own jokes. That's what makes it so tough for us outsiders. We have to fight home competition.

There is probably not more than one hundred dollars in cash in circulation today. That is, if you were to call in all the bills and silver and gold in the country at noon tomorrow and pile them on the table, you would find that you had just about one hundred dollars, with perhaps several Canadian pennies and a few peppermint Life Savers.