So much for modern science and its wonderful discoveries that just about everything can kill you. Life is only a bedtime story before a long, long sleep.

We're all not quite as sane as we pretend to be.

That's the way girls were--they always laughed. Because they were bitches.

So I had this problem -- work or starve. So I thought I'd combine the two and decided to become a writer.

Despite my ghoulish reputation, I really have the heart of a small boy. I keep it in a jar on my desk.

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

I always carry a pistol when I go [to the New York Public Library]. Never did trust those stone lions.