That's the way girls were--they always laughed. Because they were bitches.

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

So much for modern science and its wonderful discoveries that just about everything can kill you. Life is only a bedtime story before a long, long sleep.

Despite my ghoulish reputation, I really have the heart of a small boy. I keep it in a jar on my desk.

Mothers sometimes are overly possessive, but not all children allow themselves to be possessed.

I think perhaps all of us go a little crazy at times.

A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.