Opportunity is a parade. Even as one chance passes, the next is a fife and drum echoing in the distance.

My health plan doesn't cover dental, so I enrolled my teeth as 32 dependents, each needing a complete physical once a year.

Genius is a plodding intellect, incapable of dreaming up the obstacles that stop the rest of us.

It finally happened. I got the GPS lady so confused, she said, "In one-quarter mile, make a legal stop and ask directions.

It’s hard to make up your bed while you’re still sleeping in it. Hard to make up your mind for the same reason.

There are truths of which I have an inkling, but of most I have only a pencilling

Just once it might be instructive to pretend you're accepting an award for failure, just to see who you would thank.