A successful artist is inspired by his muse, and his muse is inspired by the payment of a commission.

I was once a skeptic but was converted by the two missionaries on either side of my nose.

A paranoid thinks that sinister forces are out to get him, not realizing that they are out to get everybody.

For every "Drive Safely" sign, shouldn't there be a "Resume Normal Driving" sign?

The difference between education and know-how is that one you pay for, the other you charge for.

There is a public me and a private me, who, if they were separate people, probably wouldn't exchange Christmas cards.

Sometimes I think my life would make a great TV movie. It even has the part where they say, "Stand by. We are experiencing temporary difficulties.