I didn't have an identity. It was manufactured. My identity now? It was written on the wall by ancient forces.

I guess the main thing is, you unconsciously take things for granted, and you think the audience is with you, because you're with yourself.

And I think for a man whose native tongue is Spanish to be able to put together a phrase like 'cultural genocide' just speaks to how bright he is.

Tofu is the root of all evil, and there's only one thing that can change a man's mind, and that's a modified Uzi with an extra-long clip.

McDonald's being the official restaurant of the Olympics is like smoking being the official medicine of cancer.

I thought that the grounded-ish nature of the first Iron Man and where I think the success of it was based was I think people got excited that this was a technologically possible occurrence; and didn't Obama order an Iron Man?

I really don't want to thank my wife because I could be bussing tables at the Daily Grill right now if not for her. Jesus, what a gig that'd be.