I went to rent a car, and the guy goes, 'Do you want the extra insurance?' I said, 'Why...am I gonna get into an extra accident?
Robert SchimmelWhy are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids and asteroids called asteroids? Wouldn't it make more sense if it was the other way around? But if that was true, then a proctologist would be an astronaut.
Robert SchimmelMy mom told me when I was younger that when you jack off all of your dead relatives are watching. But then I figured who were they going to tell.
Robert SchimmelYou know you're out of shape when you have a heart attack when you're watching television.
Robert Schimmel