You need a touch of madness, just enough that you don't become stupid!

You have to break in half to love somebody.

For a while you get mad, then you get over it.

I was in Iraq, Afghanistan, Djibouti, Bahrain. The first year I went pretty much by myself. Then I went with General [Richard] Myers, head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. The shows and audiences were amazing. You'll never get a better group of people.

If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus.

You might say he was one taco short of a combination platter.

Three wishes - no substitutes, exchanges or refunds