There's three things in this world that you need: Respect for all kinds of life, a nice bowel movement on a regular basis, and a navy blazer.

Decaf is like masturbating with an oven mitt!

If heaven exists, to know that there's laughs, that would be a great thing.

I was in Iraq, Afghanistan, Djibouti, Bahrain. The first year I went pretty much by myself. Then I went with General [Richard] Myers, head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. The shows and audiences were amazing. You'll never get a better group of people.

When the Williams sisters play tennis, it gets pretty hot. When they start grunting, I'm in.

Being in the same room with people and creating something together is a good thing.

I'm an Episcopal, which is Catholic Lite. It's like same religion, half the guilt.