No one ever grew up intending to be an umpire, except perhaps my friend Bill Haller. His brother Tom wanted to be a catcher, so an affinity for masks must run in that family.
The practical joke is the psychiatry of baseball.
Being an umpire is like being a king. It prepares you for nothing.
Any umpire who claims he has never missed a play is . . . well, an umpire.
Umpire's heaven is a place where he works third base every game. Home is where the heartache is.
Lou Piniella only argues on days ending with the letter 'y'.