Any umpire who claims he has never missed a play is . . . well, an umpire.
Lou Piniella only argues on days ending with the letter 'y'.
Being an umpire is like being a king. It prepares you for nothing.
Throwing people out of a game is like learning to ride a bicycle--once you get the hang of it, it can be a lot of fun.
I never called a balk in my life. I didn't understand the rule.
The practical joke is the psychiatry of baseball.