Umpire's heaven is a place where he works third base every game. Home is where the heartache is.
Any umpire who claims he has never missed a play is . . . well, an umpire.
Being an umpire is like being a king. It prepares you for nothing.
I never called a balk in my life. I didn't understand the rule.
The practical joke is the psychiatry of baseball.
Lou Piniella only argues on days ending with the letter 'y'.