Umpire's heaven is a place where he works third base every game. Home is where the heartache is.
One reason I never called balks is that I never understood the rule.
No one ever grew up intending to be an umpire, except perhaps my friend Bill Haller. His brother Tom wanted to be a catcher, so an affinity for masks must run in that family.
The practical joke is the psychiatry of baseball.
Lou Piniella only argues on days ending with the letter 'y'.
Throwing people out of a game is like learning to ride a bicycle--once you get the hang of it, it can be a lot of fun.