People are saying that I'm an alcoholic, and that's not true, because I only drink when I work, and I'm a workaholic.

I quit smoking cigarettes and with the $70 a month I am saving not smoking cigarettes I'm smoking $700 worth of cigars.

You wanna get the truth out of me, get me hammered.

I was considered by my peers to be a good comedian. So that's all I ever strived to do was get some recognition from my peers.

You can only do two things with your life: give it away or throw it away.

They call me Tater Salad

Naw, man, I like big, hard, throbbing co- (stunned pause) ...I did not know that about myself.