I try to do women's-point-of-view comedy. The joke is, 'This is what I think; there's the truth.' I try to think of stuff that's real broad, but the more personal it is, the more universal it is. All my friends go through the same stuff.

The real truth is, I just want to keep the voice of dissent alive in all of our elections. I don't really want to hang out with politicians.

My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants and a T-shirt with two fat women fighting over a skinny guy.

There is no scarier chasm of darkness than the human mind.

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.

We're not meant to be parents when we're 50.

I figure if the kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done my job.