There is no scarier chasm of darkness than the human mind.

I'm not upset about my divorce. I'm only upset that I'm not a widow.

You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you're married to a couch that burps.

I was raised on government cheese. As an adult, in my first marriage, my husband and I worked real hard just to go bankrupt. I happened to write some jokes about it. I did real well for myself.

Somewhere within the concept of justice, the worst of the guilty must always be removed. I cannot divorce this, not completely. The people must have justice and so I want to reinstate and enshrine the blessed and holy guillotine!

It's the Night of the Living Dead. It's scary out here.

Everything here must be done twice as no one can do it right the first time.