There is no scarier chasm of darkness than the human mind.

two things do me in: one's chocolate cake, the other's hypocrisy.

I have five kids from three marriages. I come from a trailer park. My sister and brother are both gay. I have multiple personalities.

I have a huge crush on President George W. Bush. I saw him at a recent fundraiser, and he`s a babe. He`s got that Ronald Reagan charm. I think he`s hot. I respect his wife, but if he wasn`t married I`d be putting on my cowboy boots and coming around.

Take this marriage thing seriously - it has to last all the way to the divorce.

The real truth is, I just want to keep the voice of dissent alive in all of our elections. I don't really want to hang out with politicians.

Any Hamas or Zionist type who tries to interfere with the labor unions and grab the money will be marched to the guillotines and subsequently beheaded. And isn't that easier and more productive than some endless, bloody conflict? So sayeth the gospel of common sense. Happy Mother's Day.