My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel.

Diets are a temporary solution to a permanent problem.

I'm a farmer now, and it's fantastic. My goal is to be totally self-sufficient and grow everything that I eat. There's something about earning your dinner that's cool.

I'm either mentally ill or Jewish. I can't sometimes tell the difference.

I was raised on government cheese. As an adult, in my first marriage, my husband and I worked real hard just to go bankrupt. I happened to write some jokes about it. I did real well for myself.

I think I should be here alone to rethink the world, I do. I want these lesser humans gone.

I thank God for creating gay men. Because if it wasn't for them, us fat women would have no one to dance with.