My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel.

A good man doesn't just happen. They have to be created by us women. A guy is a lump like this doughnut.

I know that I pay 48 percent of my income to taxes. You know, I wouldn't mind so much if it wasn't going just to export war. If it was actually going to help the people of the United States, I would gladly pay more.

You know, I'm blessed. 'Blessed' is a better way of saying 'rich.'

The end of my addiction to fame happened at the exact moment Roseanne dropped out of the top ten, in the seventh of our nine seasons. It was mysteriously instantaneous!

The only options open for girls then were of course mother, secretary or teacher. At least that's what we all thought and were preparing ourselves for. Now, I must say how lucky we are, as women, to live in an age where 'Dental Hygienist' has been added to the list.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.