I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

I can't have cats around me because they try to steal my energy.

Women are cursed, and men are the proof.

Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles.

I had - after I sang the 'Star Spangled Banner' so badly, after my tragic singing accident, after that, you know, all my stuff kind of, like, really got even more full blown and, you know, I got stage fright and, you know, I couldn't do stand-up anymore and let alone sing and all the other things.

Growing up in a Jewish matriarchal world inside the patriarchal paradise of Salt Lake City, Utah, gave me increased perspective on gender issues, as it also did my gay brother and my lesbian sister. Our younger sister is the perfect Jewish-American wife and mother, and is fiercely proud of that fact.