Being completely in control is a fantasy.

Parents are much more likely to be attuned to what they don't like than they are to the expectations that the kid is having difficulty meeting.

It's so crucial to really get a good handle on what's getting in the way of the kid completing a homework assignment. It can be so many things.

For a very long time, people have been saying to me, "What if you want to do this approach with every kid?" For a behaviorally challenging kid, you're parenting this way just to help bring the kid's behavior under control and to greatly reduce conflict. But you want to teach all kids the skills that are on the better side of human nature: empathy, appreciating how one's behavior is affecting other people, resolving disagreements in ways that do not involve conflict, taking another's perspective, honesty.

We have forgotten that those skills on the more positive side of human nature have to be taught, have to be modeled, have to be practiced.

My advice to educators is collaborate with parents; they know a lot about their kids.

Kids are overprogrammed these days.