Solutions can't be imposed. That just fosters resentment.

My advice to educators is collaborate with parents; they know a lot about their kids.

When there's a good fit between skills and expectations, there's what we call compatibility, and we would expect a good outcome. When there's a poor fit between expectations and the capacity of the kid, there is incompatibility, and that's when we see people exhibit challenging behavior.

No kid should be getting three or four hours of homework a night. There's no breathing time, there's no family time, there are just extracurriculars and homework and then go to bed.

There is still quite the vibe out there that as a parent you have to be completely in control and in charge.

We have forgotten that those skills on the more positive side of human nature have to be taught, have to be modeled, have to be practiced.

Be your kid's collaborative partner, but also be a collaborative partner with the folks at school. Schools can be pretty unilateral too. Show them you know how to collaborate. Show them this is not about power. Let them know detentions and suspensions and paddling don't solve the problems that are affecting kids' lives. Those problems can be identified and solved but not by being punitive.