The local groceries are all out of broccoli, loccoli.

The last time somebody said, 'I find I can write much better with a word processor', I replied, 'They used to say the same thing about drugs'.

I've never thought it was necessary to make fun of people - you can find fun in people without necessarily mocking them.

Ham's substantial, ham is fat. Ham is firm and sound. Ham's what God was getting at When He made pigs so round.

Twiddle-twiddle away at my softly clicky keyboard for a while, making twiddly adjustments all along- and then print what I have twiddled. Glare at the printout and snarl and curse and scribble almost illegibly all over it with a ballpoint pen. Go back to the machine and enter the scribbles. Repeat this procedure until I hate the very meaning of every word I know.

I like weeding, but I tend to think of it as a solitary activity.

That's American English for you: more roots than a mangrove swamp.