Journalist: A person with nothing on his mind and the power to express it.

The worst thing about the miracle of modern communications is the Pavlovian pressure it places upon everyone to communicate whenever a bell rings.

A solved problem creates two new problems, and the best prescription for happy living is not to solve any more problems.

A day spent praising the earth and lamenting man's pollutionist history makes you feel like a superior, sensitive soul.

How many more years will our educators continue to lecture us on the evils of whipping children until they bring home high grades? Year after year we listen to these fellows tell us that it is not the grade that counts but the development of the child's personality. After the lecture they go back to all the best schools and reject our children because they have C averages.

The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him.

Like all young reporters - brilliant or hopelessly incompetent - I dreamed of the glamorous life of the foreign correspondent: prowling Vienna in a Burberry trench coat, speaking a dozen languages to dangerous women, narrowly escaping Sardinian bandits - the usual stuff that newspaper dreams are made of.