Journalist: A person with nothing on his mind and the power to express it.

Anticipating that most poetry will be worse than carrying heavy luggage through O'Hare Airport, the public, to its loss, reads very little of it.

A $10 million windfall? At today's prices, I'd feel almost as rich as I did one day in 1936 when I found a dime on the sidewalk and blew the whole wad on 20 Mary Jane candy bars, a box of jujubes, and a double feature.

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories: those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

Reality is the only obstacle to happiness.

The charm of television entertainment is its ability to bridge the chasm between dinner and bedtime without mental distraction.