It is so expensive to take care of my hair and keep it looking like I was born with it, when my real hair is the color of rat fur.

You have to be willing to ask questions that almost no one else would ask.

Kids do have to learn that life is a humiliating charade of endless disappointment and tragedy ultimately culminating in pain, decay, and death. My parents used to sing me to sleep with that one.

I can't claim to feel like I've been under some man's thumb in comedy. I've sort of always done my own thing for better or worse, and have been lucky enough to be able to perform ever since.

The best part about poker is there's no down side.

It's weird how you can make people feel comfortable, and then ask them an uncomfortable question, but it doesn't ruin their day.

It was only a few years ago that I couldn't get hired to save my life.