Samantha Bee Quotes

If you get mad about how your voice sounds when it comes out of your own mouth, it's not really my fault. Go ahead and be yourself.

If I could live in New York the rest of my life, I absolutely would, but it's also prohibitively expensive and you have to be working. New York is a lot nicer when you have a job.

I know, it's amazing to people that we have a political system, but we do.

The worst thing you can do to a dictator is laugh at him.

I hate birthdays. I thought that I only hated my own birthday, and then I realized that I hate my children's birthdays too.

I don't read anything about myself.

Everybody is agreeing so tersely. I just had a flashback to the month before my parents finally admitted they were getting a divorce.

You have to be willing to ask questions that almost no one else would ask.

I want to get a gold star. And I know that there are places that I need to go in order to get the story right. I'd rather do it right than have to do it twice.

It is so expensive to take care of my hair and keep it looking like I was born with it, when my real hair is the color of rat fur.

I want to go to someone's world. I'll buy it if the world is full of zombies - I'll live there if you give me a strong enough vision of what that world looks like.

There's always going to be someone who hates you. There's always going to be people who love you. It's a risk in either direction.

President Trump - God forbid - the country will be okay, I promise. I don't know exactly what the country will look like, but we will survive it.

When you can agree on one thing, you should have no expectation that suddenly a person is converted to your way of thinking. You have to be willing to be frustrated constantly.

There's a very fine line between political comedian and activist, and I don't really think I fall over into the activist category.

I think the show does better with newsmakers and politicians than it does with actors.

I think that my love of cooking grew out of my love of reading about cooking. When I was a kid, we had a bookcase in the kitchen filled with cookbooks. I would eat all my meals reading about meals I could have been having.

Sometimes you're just interviewing someone and you're thinking the entire time, How can I get through this really quickly? Because I know this isn't gonna make it. This person is either too long-winded or deathly boring, or they don't have the point of view that supports what you're trying to do in the piece. Or often people misrepresent themselves on the phone - what they're willing to say to you then, they're not willing to say in person.

I get maximum satisfaction out of buying children's clothes online.

It's weird how you can make people feel comfortable, and then ask them an uncomfortable question, but it doesn't ruin their day.

Don't judge me. I made a lot of money.

Last year people won more than one billion dollars playing poker. And casinos made twenty-seven billion just by being around those people.

The best part about poker is there's no down side.

I don't feel like any of the things we're talking about are going to make the world end.

As a viewer myself, I tend to gravitate toward projects that have a really strong voice of a strong creator.

I can't claim to feel like I've been under some man's thumb in comedy. I've sort of always done my own thing for better or worse, and have been lucky enough to be able to perform ever since.

It's great when you have people who will speak passionately and honestly about what they are doing.

Hopefully the person I'm trying to create is just a funny, dour, evil side of myself that has no other way to express itself. I don't model it after anyone in particular. Who would be like that? Who? I wouldn't want to meet that person. I wouldn't want to be interviewed by that person, I can tell you that.

I was totally unknown in the television and film industry in Canada.

I'm not even reading about the U.S. election, I'm just totally involved in the Canadian one.

It's not every day people fly you to New York for auditions.

I don't feel intimidated by any of the people I'm talking to or the situations I find myself in. I just try to make my nana proud.

I don't think I'm very much like the person I am on the show. I'm certainly not as ambitious; no, that's not true, I'm kind of ambitious. In a nice way. But there's a part of me. A lot of me. There's a lot of what I think is funny.

I don't think the show would be funny to you if you didn't already have a base of information.

A lot of comedy is really DIY. You're kind of doing it yourself.

It's like you can't even go on the radio anymore and condemn a whole subset of people to hell without getting some blowback.

I'm capable of living in the moment. And I'm especially capable of living in the moment of sitting on my sofa and watching other people's moments.

It was only a few years ago that I couldn't get hired to save my life.

I've been a performer in the public eye for many years now and it's much darker. It feels so worse now. It feels heavy; it's difficult to deal with. The hatred is unbelievable, but I actually feel a lot more compassion for the journalists and people who aren't used to that. At least on some level, it's been a part of my world for a long time, so I can handle it. I'm not going to say that I'm used to it, because I'm not. I think it's really difficult for people who are just doing journalism and receiving death threats on a very consistent basis.

I believe in breakfast. It's the one meal that my kids usually eat without a fuss, so that's huge. As for myself, I can't function without it, and I see it as a great way to get some healthy greens in, some coffee, and on a good day, maybe even some news of the world via the newspaper.

My apartment is the equivalent of one room in my Toronto home. Now I understand why New Yorkers are on the streets at all hours. People don't want to stay inside for fear they'll go crazy.

I am a cookbook fanatic.

Sex with my first boyfriend was a little bit like learning how to put in a tampon, but only half as enjoyable!

Speaking for myself, I try to go out there on the stage and make jokes with people, so I'm not really thinking about the impact anything I have. If it does resonate with people, that's really great.

The people I really feel sorry for are all the writers out there who wrote these outrageous comedic romps about a grossly unqualified person who goes on to become a Vice Presidential candidate in a hotly contested presidential race. With hilarious results. They must be so bummed.

We definitely sometimes get stuff that's different that we were expecting. I mean, that's part of the joy and the terror of interviewing real, live people. Sometimes they come along the journey with you, and most of the time they don't.

I take my citizenship extremely seriously. I find myself drawn to the Constitution more and more with each passing day of Donald Trump's presidency.

I don't listen to the national anthem ironically. It's a beautiful song. I love it!