They say the test of literary power is whether a man can write an inscription. I say, "Can he name a kitten?"

[P]oetry resembles metaphysics: one does not mind one's own, but one does not like anyone else's.

The seven deadly sins: Want of money, bad health, bad temper, chastity, family ties, knowing that you know things, and believing in the Christian religion.

If I die prematurely at any rate I shall be saved from being bored to death by my own success.

People are lucky and unlucky not according to what they get absolutely, but according to the ratio between what they get and what they have been led to expect.

Most people have never learned that one of the main aims in life is to enjoy it.

Man is the only animal that laughs and has a state legislature.