When they treat you bad, you just got to take care of your pride, no matter what.

I may not be the bestest pitcher in the world, but I sure out-cutes 'em.

I used to feel so bad before I got to the clubhouse, I didn't know what to do. But when I put that ballsuit on, I don't know where I got the spark to save my life.

If you tell a lie, always rehearse it. If it don't sound good to you, it won't sound good to anybody.

I use my single windup, my double windup, my triple windup, my hesitation windup, my no windup. I also use my step-n-pitch-it, my submariner, my sidearmer and my bat dodger. Man's got to do what he's got to do.

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

One time he (Cool Papa Bell) hit a line drive right past my ear. I turned around and saw the ball hit his ass sliding into second.