If somebody tells you you have ears like a donkey, pay no attention. But if two people tell you, buy yourself a saddle.

Each Jew must either give or take tzedakah [charity] for Passover.

To make people laugh was almost a sickness with me.

The worm in the radish doesn't think there is anything sweeter.

Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor.

If you listen carefully, you get to hear everything you didn't want to hear in the first place.

This is an ugly and mean world, and only to spite it we mustn't weep. If you want to know, this is the constant source of my good spirit, of my humor. Not to cry, out of spite, only to laugh out of spite, only to laugh.