They say it's not the snoring itself but those anxiety-packed moments in between snorts. It's the waiting for the nasal passages of the person lying beside you to strike again. And strike it always does. In the dark, almost against your will, you produce that special glare reserved for people who cannot control their own behaviour.

Cats and their owners are on a private, exclusive loop of affection. Thus cats have become symbolic of a community eschewed and a hyper-engagement with oneself. They represent the profound danger of growing so independent in New York that it's not merely that you don't need anyone - it's that you don't know how to need anyone.

Suburbia is too close to the country to have anything real to do and too close to the city to admit you have nothing real to do.

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who know where their high school yearbook is and those who do not.

You feel like telling him you're not single in the way that he thinks you're single. After all, you have yourself. I think a lot of humor is about distracting yourself. Pretend you're not trying to make it funny. Because for some reason the effort to be funny smells like sulphur in our culture.

It's never good to fall in love with someone whom you'd have to stab in the eyeballs to elicit a response.

I'm a summer baby, so I usually have my birthday as a good summer memory.