You can't possibly fathom the ins and outs of a prepubescent beauty treatment until you've felt the strange but exhilarating tingle of a cottage-cheese-and-Pop-Rocks facial.

Our culture's obsession with vintage objects has rendered us unable to separate history from nostalgia. People want heart. They want a chaser of emotion with their aesthetics.

Sometimes we don't know what we want until we don't get it.

Alaska is what happens when Willy Wonka and the witch from Hansel and Gretel elope, buy a place together upstate, renounce their sweet teeth, and turn into health fanatics.

It's never good to fall in love with someone whom you'd have to stab in the eyeballs to elicit a response.

I can't see the forest through the trees, except the trees are people.

Suburbia is too close to the country to have anything real to do and too close to the city to admit you have nothing real to do.