You become uneasy with people in direct proportion to how many lies you have to keep track of in their presence.

The delusion that one's sexual pattern is The Only Right Way To Be is probably the single most common sexual-psychosis syndrome of this era, and it is virtually almost always the victim's fault. You cannot acquire this delusion by observing reality.

Pain shared is pain lessened; joy shared is joy increased. Thus do we refute entropy.

If a person who indulges in gluttony is a glutton, and a person who commits a felony is a felon, then God is an iron.

Librarians are the secret masters of the world. They control information. Don't ever piss one off.

In 1971, after seven years in college, with that magic piece of paper clutched triumphantly in my fist, the best job I was able to get was night watchman on a sewer project in Babylon, N.Y. guarding a hole in the ground to prevent anyone from stealing it. God bless the American educational system!

Euphemisms are for the differently brained.