Most poetry just confounds me. I really want to like it, but I can't help thinking it's a hoax. (p. 24)

My wife Staci made me go to a wedding last weekend...If it weren’t for her, I’d be happy.

A stand-up comedian faces the audiences and gets their immediate feedback. I hide behind the comic strip, and unless people write to me, I dont know what they think.

Repeats are the absolute soul-crushing killers of the comics page.

It's best to love your family as you would a Siberian tiger-from a distance, preferably separated by bars.

I was a lawyer for 10 years, and when youre in law, things really have to get done, or somebody sues you. Its a great trick.

Most poetry just confounds me. I really want to like it, but I can't help thinking it's a hoax. (p. 24)