It's best to love your family as you would a Siberian tiger-from a distance, preferably separated by bars.

Brits have a better sense of humor in most ways. It's darker, more cutting.

I recently forced myself to read a book on quantum physics, just to try and learn something new. I was confused by the middle of the first sentence and it all went downhill from there. The only thing I can remember learning is that a parallel universe can theoretically be contained on the head of a needle. I don't really know what that means, but I am now more careful handling needles.

Whenever I see people with their collars up, I'm tempted to point it out to them like you would for someone who has a food stain on their shirt or food in their teeth, as if to say, 'Your fashion sense is so offensive I'm assuming it's some sort of accident you'll want to fix.

Repeats are the absolute soul-crushing killers of the comics page.

Most poetry just confounds me. I really want to like it, but I can't help thinking it's a hoax. (p. 24)

Sticking to my schedule, Ive gotten over seven months ahead, which allowed me to write a Pearls Before Swine movie script for the big screen.