If someone spreads hate then they're not your religious leader.

The beauty of new media is that no evidence is necessary. The brave blog-troopers have stormed the cockpit of news, and wrestled the joystick of authority away from the seasoned pilots of the press who would land our country at the Facts International Airport.

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach...just make sure you thrust upward through his ribcage.

Sure, integrating schools may sound benign. But whats the use of living in a gated community if my kids go to school and get poor all over them?

You have to have a passionate opinion; otherwise you sound false. You end up telling the audience jokes they've already heard.

If the eyes are the window to the soul, then why does it hurt when I spray them with Windex?

If I had free time to go to Los Angeles to shoot a movie, I would rather spend it with my kids.