Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand.

I've always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can't judge a book by its cover but who wants to have sex with a book?

I not only loved studying theater, I loved being a theater major. It gave me an excuse to brood, to grow a beard, to wear black 'at' people. I didn't just want to play Hamlet, I wanted to be Hamlet.

Don't cry over spilled milk-- get angry and punch a cow.

This is America. I don't want a tomato picked by a Mexican. I want it picked by an American, then sliced by a Guatemalan and served by a Venezuelan in a spa where a Chilean gives me a Brazilian.

Luckily, a recent survey published in the American Sociological Review revealed that atheists are the least trusted group in America—less trusted, even, than homosexuals. It makes sense at least we trust the homosexuals with our hair.

My character is self-important, poorly informed, well-intentioned but an idiot. So we said, `Let's give him a promotion.'