When I read books it's to escape. It's so I don't have to talk to people.

I love the truth. It's the facts I'm not a fan of.

Pain is the body's way of telling the brain it's in trouble. Similarly, confusion is the brain's way of telling the body, 'All right, buddy, drop that book.

The liberal Gluten-free agenda is turning our dogs lesbian.

...why were you happier when you were a kid? Because you didn't know anything. The more you know, the sadder you get.

If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it.

Yes, Dr. King is pro-gun just as surely as Jesus would be pro-nails.