When meeting royalty, it is very important, no matter how excited you are, not to vomit on them. Instead, vomit on the nearest commoner.

The shamrock is a religious symbol. St. Patrick said the leaves represented the trinity: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. That's why four leaf clovers are so lucky, you get a bonus Jesus.

If you're doing nothing wrong, you have nothing to hide from the giant surveillance apparatus the government's been hiding.

If we raise taxes on corporations, what incentive will they have to make money other than the fact that it's the sole reason they exist.

You may learn sooner than most generations the hard lesson that you must always make the path for yourself...There is no secret society out there that will tap you on your shoulder one night and show you the way.

I live by syllogisms: God is love. Love is blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God. I don't know what I'd believe in if it wasn't for that.

I used to play a narcissistic-conservative pundit. Now, I'm just a narcissist.