You see, we're America the Beautiful, not America 'Well, At Least She Has a Great Personality'.

I tell a lot of young performers, 'Go get in trouble. Go commit yourself to something you're not sure you can do.' And I followed my own advice.

In 1986, our commencement speaker was George Schultz, secretary of state, fourth in line to the president. You get me-basic cable's second most popular fake newsman. At this rate, the class of 2021 will be addressed by a zoo parrot in a mortar-board that has been trained to say "congratulations.

Cain understands domestic issues because he had experience selling pizza; and he understands international issues because pizza is Italian.

Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.

The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.

When I read books it's to escape. It's so I don't have to talk to people.