You see, we're America the Beautiful, not America 'Well, At Least She Has a Great Personality'.

I'm not going to name any names, but let's just say, I want to do jokes on Donald Trump so badly, and I have no venue. So right now, I'm just dry Trumping.

Look, PETA! If God hadn't wanted us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them so darn tasty!

If you use big words, no one will know you aren't doing jack squat.

Who would have thought that a means of communication limited to 140 characters would ever create misunderstanding?

Opinions are like demo tapes. I don't want to hear yours

Sure, integrating schools may sound benign. But whats the use of living in a gated community if my kids go to school and get poor all over them?