I'm an actor. I hate to blow everyone's illusions.

If I had free time to go to Los Angeles to shoot a movie, I would rather spend it with my kids.

And that brings us to tonight's word: Truthiness. Now I'm sure some of the word-police, the 'wordanistas' over at Websters, are gonna say, 'Hey, that's not a word!' Well, anybody who knows me knows that I am no fan of dictionaries or reference books. They're elitist. Constantly telling us what is or isn't true, what did or didn't happen.

There hasn't been a scandal this big at the C.I.A. since (CLASSIFIED) committed (CENSORED) to (REDACTED).

Of course! Jeb Bush! America is hungry for another leader from that talented family!

I'm not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what the facts are.

There's nothing wrong with stretching the truth. We stretch taffy, and that just makes it more delicious.