Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash. (Said to President Bush at the White House Correspondents Dinner)

If it's called THE USA Today, why is all the news from yesterday?

Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.

The worst thing about affirmative action is that it encourages reverse discrimination, so-called because it goes in the opposite way of how we naturally discriminate.

The summer movies are coming out. My advice: just stay home and burn a good book.

Nothing is more vintage than dying of Rubella.

Odyssey Dawn? That's not a military operation. That's a Carnival Cruise ship.