Thinking that other people might be better than you is what makes you Canadian, not American.

We will try to honor David Letterman achievement by doing the best show we can.And occasionally making the network very mad at us.

No matter how you were born, no matter how you identify, I want to be clear that I would be proud to grind you up and eat you.

The pen is mightier than the sword, if you shoot that pen out of a gun

To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush...I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You now what, I'm a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough...Somebody shoot me in the face.

Well China, you got us. Phelps was doping - and he still beat you. He smoked the sticky-icky, and then he smoked your ass!

Am I proud of being straight? No. You know why? Because if I start acting proud, that's going to make me seem kind of gay.