Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.

Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals.

I actually do not think that's how what's happening to our government is going to be stopped. I think people who are willing to be civically engaged and believe in the promises and the progress of the last fifty years that will save this country.

I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for breaking the law.

Republicans and nerds have so much in common -- they both live in fantasy worlds and have no idea how to relate to women.

I can't be gay! I'm a happily married conservative, just like Ted Haggard and Larry Craig.

Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.