No one has any idea what's going to happen. Not even Elon Musk. That's why he's building those rockets. He wants a 'Plan B' on another world.

Every night on my show, The Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, okay? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it "The No Fact Zone.

I thought Black Friday was when everyone puts on blackface and steals children from Wal-Mart.

I wrote things for the school's newspaper, and - like all teenagers - I dabbled in poetry.

I guess 14% plus Jesus equals victory

I hope people'll find out pretty quickly that the guy they saw for 10 years was my sense of humor the whole time.

If you're doing nothing wrong, you have nothing to hide from the giant surveillance apparatus the government's been hiding.