brb, ttyl ok? wow, i saved a 'ton' of time with those acronyms.

Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything. It's certainty.

Warning, I may contain more than a trace amount of nut.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin. If that ever happens, it's only because something happened during the interview that got me going, and then I had to translate my feelings to the mouth of the character.

You can't swallow and think about your tongue. If you think about your tongue, you've got a giant piece of meat in your mouth and that's a terrible feeling.

I don't like the new president who hunts muslim extremists, I like the old president who is a muslim extremist.

It warps the minds of our children and weakens the resolve of our allies.