When two people in a marriage are more concerned about getting the golden eggs, the benefits, than they are in preserving the relationship that makes them possible, they often become insensitive and inconsiderate, neglecting the little kindnesses and courtesies so important to a deep relationship. They begin to use control levers to manipulate each other, to focus on their own needs, to justify their own position and look for evidence to show the wrongness of the other person. The love, the richness, the softness and spontaneity begin to deteriorate.

Look at the word responsibility-"response-ability"-the ability to choose your response. Highly proactive people recognize that responsibility. They do not blame circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behavior. Their behavior is a product of their own conscious choice, based on values, rather than a product of their conditions, based on feeling.

Love - the feeling - is a fruit of love, the verb.

None of us see the world as it is but as we are, as our frames of reference, or maps, define the territory.

My behavior is a product of my own conscious choices based on principles, rather than a product of my conditions, based on feelings.

You have to water the flowers you want to grow.

Make time for planning: Wars are won in the general's tent.