This year, more people will use cocaine than will read a book to their children.

I've always enjoyed watching characters that aren't aware that they're doing anything funny. And I think that inherently makes them funnier.

Do I want to be feared or loved? That's a good question. I want both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. And since I don't have a butler, I have to do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious, it's good for me, it's the perfect way to start the day.

I am always the type of person who is waiting for the other shoe to drop and for it to peter out and end. And if it does that's fine.

If we were meant to read for enjoyment, would God have created television? Read as it was intended - for exercise. The more you read, the more you expand your - what's the word I'm looking for? - your stockpile of words. You must have a stockpile of words that you can pass along to your children for their stockpile.

Everybody should be normal. Everybody should be nice. I think they go hand in hand, and that to me is the default setting.