I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.

A joke that works is complete knowledge in a nanosecond.

Romance takes place when you first fall in love. It stirs all emotions and you can manipulate and be manipulated.

I got a flue shot and now my chimney works perfectly.

His view of the world is one that keeps his blood pressure low, sweeping the cholesterol from his relaxed, freeway-sized arteries. Everyone knows he is going to live till age ninety, although the question that goes begging is, “for what?

Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.

Yeah, well, we're all writers, aren't we? He's a writer that hasn't been published, and I'm a writer who hasn't written anything.