I actually credit Twitter with fine-tuning some joke-writing skills. I still feel like I'm working at it.

When I die, now don't think that I'm a nut, don't want no fancy funeral, just one like old King Tut.

introductions are hard to come by when your natural state is shyness

To have someone play off and be with a band is more pleasurable.

His view of the world is one that keeps his blood pressure low, sweeping the cholesterol from his relaxed, freeway-sized arteries. Everyone knows he is going to live till age ninety, although the question that goes begging is, “for what?

I'm a bitter, sad, sour young man who makes a career out of hastling people with real careers.

I've been writing for a long time, since the late '60s. But it hasn't been in the same form. I used to write scripts for television. I wrote for my comedy act. Then I wrote screenplays, and then I started writing New Yorker essays, and then I started writing plays. I didn't start writing prose, really, until the New Yorker essays, but they were comic. I didn't start writing prose, really, until the '90s. In my head, there was a link between everything. One thing led to another.