...a young man, Jamaican, perhaps, his head circled in a scarf with sunbleached dreadlocks on piled on top, looking like a plate of soft-shell crabs.

She tried to get even with him through psychological warfare but couldn't, because he didn't care.

Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town.

she is nearing forty and not so easily forgiven as when her skin bloomed like roses.

The conscious mind is the editor, and the subconscious mind is the writer.

I ignored my stand-up career for twenty-five years, but now, having finished this memoir, I view this time with surprising warmth. One can have, it turns out, an affection for the war years.

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.