Kids like my act because I'm wearing nose glasses. Adults like my act because there's a guy who thinks putting on nose glasses is funny.

Somewhere in the world is...The world's worst doctor and he could be yours.

So, I can hurt now, or hurt later.

Halle Berry is here, whose win last year broke down barriers for unbelievably hot women.

Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.

Awards mean nothing to comedians. What matters is the audience, how you're doing - artistically, for the most part - at that moment.

A kiss may not be the truth, but it is what we wish were true.